Stolen birthday money anger

Bournemouth Echo: Thieving postie should be hacked into very small pieces and his body left out for the birds, says birthday cash theft victim

The easy way to find the culprit is for the police to send a few likely-looking cards through the post containing £20 notes infected with rabies. All they have to do is wait for a postman to die of rabies and – presto! – they've got their thief. Another successful detection for the government stats, and no time wasted on court appearances – everyone's a winner!

Road closure anger

Oxford Mail: Not entirely sure what this story's about, to be honest

But hell yeah! We're angry and we're going to campaign! And look angry! Grrr!

Note how the huddled masses allow their spokesman to stand at the front, hoping that he will fall victim to the photographer's soul-stealing machine

Flipped-the-finger anger

Dorset Echo: "Nasty horseman flipped me the bird"

FACT: Piddletrenthide, the venue of this one-fingered OUTRAGE, is a mere 12 miles from the village of Shitterton. Just so you know.

Flooding anger

Newcastle Evening Chronicle: Anger as playing field floods near homes

A superb study in "I told you so"

Outdoor gym anger

Stourbridge News: Anger over outdoor gymnasium plans

Say no to free gym facilities in the West Midlands! We want pie shops!

Golden Arches anger

Reading Evening Post: "McDonald's blimp broke my van"

In fact, he's not saying that at all. I can lip-read, you know.

"Mmmmmmmmnmmmmmmmmmmmmm" is what he's saying. "Mmmmmmmmnnnnnnmmmmmmm"

Spotter: Ophelia Vrij-Tottey

Car parking anger

Dorset Echo: Abject fury over planned car park charges

Note to angry shopkeep and Fred Elliott look-a-like: You're doing it wrong. The car park machines in Weymouth don't take notes, you plank.

Fallen tree anger

Basildon Echo: Council has better things to do than clear up fallen tree

Let it be known that angry Wendy pictured above lives in Vange.

Heh. Vange.

Spotter: Adam K

Ex-parrot anger

Bournemouth Echo: Shopkeep livid as birds stolen

You're doing it wrong mate. Accepted practice in the pet shop industry is to nail 'em to the perch. Did John Cleese die for NOTHING?

Spotter: Esqui

PAEDO-GEDDON shag bands anger

Dorset Echo: Call for sex bracelets to be banned

Oh, the humanity - the horror continues...

Dorset Echo: Parents horror as paedogeddon strikes Weymouth

At this point in proceedings, and as the angry family huddles in the corner of the living room, I'd just like to say that I'm not really a welder, you know.

Spotter: Chris Davies

Missing dad not-angry-at-all

Bournemouth Echo: Family appeal to missing dad

Nicely shot, Bournemouth Echo camera bloke. Click through if you can help.

No. I'm alright. I've just got something in my eye, that's all.

More actual pointing at dog poo anger

Oxford Mail: Oxford 'under siege from dog mess'

I know who the culprit is. It's Jack Sparrow's dog.